With my 5th year wedding anniversary coming up (on December 12th to be exact) I thought it’d be fun to share 5 things I’ve learned while being married for these past few years. I am not a marriage expert or counselor by any means, let me just put that out there😂. These are just a few of the things I’ve learned while being married. I hope they help.
- Just pick up the dirty clothes from the floor and don’t bicker about it. If your spouse has a bad habit that really bothers you, you should most definitely tell them about it instead of just holding in all that frustration. Hopefully they can improve on their bad habit and eventually stop doing it all together, but I wouldn’t recommend that you point it out to them each and every time it happens. That can get annoying for both of you and lead to arguments over something so small. You don’t want to be bickering with your spouse each and everyday, that just leads to constant tension in the house. Keep in mind too that habits are hard to break. Often times they’re done without much thought, it’s just subconscious. So try and be patient. They’re not doing it to purposely annoy you. Their actually probably struggling to break it. You can bring it up from time to time to try and get them to hopefully improve on it but try not to bring it up everyday.
- Don’t compare your mate or your relationship to anyone else’s. Every couple, and I mean every couple, has their challenges in marriage. There’s so much that may be happening behind the scenes that you just don’t know about. There will be areas that another couple may be better in, but your relationship will also be better than there’s in other ways too. Try to work on watering your relationship and it will grow. The grass is most definitely not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. A friend told me that and I thought it was so wonderfully said…and true! So bottom line, don’t be jealous of someone else’s relationship because they have issues that you don’t know about, we all do.
- Communication is so so important! I know this is one we’ve all heard before, but communication is everything! It helps build trust, it avoids needless arguments, and there’s no confusion. You guys will always be on the same page since you’ve clearly communicated everything that’s going on. Be open and honest and talk about everything. Talk about your goals for your finances as a couple. What is it you want to work on saving towards? Be open with where you want your life to be in 5 or 10 years. Let them know if you feel that life has become stale and you need a change. Be honest about everything: even what you’d like to do for the weekend or what time you expect to be home and if there’s any changes to your plans that may cause you to come home later. It’s not about trying to control the other person, it’s simply having respect. You guys are now a unit and if you come home late, it may change the other ones plans (like even simply what time they should cook dinner, if they’ll be putting the kids to bed by themselves, and more). So just try to communicate what you’re feeling and thinking so there can be as little conflict as possible.
- Date your spouse. Flirt with your them, text them throughout the day, send them pictures, or funny things you find on social media, just basically treat them like you did when you guys were dating. It does take an effort to do these things since we can get so caught up in our daily lives and the routine of things. It doesn’t have to be all day that you’re texting them but one or two funny or cute texts can go a long way. They show that you guys are thinking of each other and they help keep things fun and exciting between you too. Don’t forget to dress up cute for them too, wear cute pj’s and things like that.
- Look within yourself for happiness, don’t rely on your mate for that. With any relationship, you need to be happy with yourself first. You can’t expect the other person to be the answer. If you are feeling bored or unfulfilled, take up a hobby or new job . Your husband/ wife is a life partner, someone to go through experiences with, to support each other, possibly build a family together, and hopefully have fun along the way. But they should not be the only thing in life that makes you happy or the one that gives you purpose in life. I think it’s important to be your own person first. That way you can add to each other’s life and enhance it. Being another person’s only source of happiness is a lot of pressure and can be draining so if you can relieve them of that, it’ll make everyone’s life easier.
So there you have it, my 5 pieces of advice for the 5 years that I’ve been married. I hope these were helpful and were not so repetitive with the advice people usually give married people. What are your tips for married people or those looking to get married? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!
Till next time,