5 Things I’ve Learned In 5 Years Of Marriage

With my 5th year wedding anniversary coming up (on December 12th to be exact) I thought it’d be fun to share 5 things I’ve learned while being married for these past few years. I am not a marriage expert or counselor by any means, let me just put that out there😂. These are just a few of the things I’ve learned while being married. I hope they help.

  1. Just pick up the dirty clothes from the floor and don’t bicker about it. If your spouse has a bad habit that really bothers you, you should most definitely tell them about it instead of just holding in all that frustration. Hopefully they can improve on their bad habit and eventually stop doing it all together, but I wouldn’t recommend that you point it out to them each and every time it happens. That can get annoying for both of you and lead to arguments over something so small. You don’t want to be bickering with your spouse each and everyday, that just leads to constant tension in the house. Keep in mind too that habits are hard to break. Often times they’re done without much thought, it’s just subconscious. So try and be patient. They’re not doing it to purposely annoy you. Their actually probably struggling to break it. You can bring it up from time to time to try and get them to hopefully improve on it but try not to bring it up everyday.
  2. Don’t compare your mate or your relationship to anyone else’s. Every couple, and I mean every couple, has their challenges in marriage. There’s so much that may be happening behind the scenes that you just don’t know about. There will be areas that another couple may be better in, but your relationship will also be better than there’s in other ways too. Try to work on watering your relationship and it will grow. The grass is most definitely not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. A friend told me that and I thought it was so wonderfully said…and true! So bottom line, don’t be jealous of someone else’s relationship because they have issues that you don’t know about, we all do.
  3. Communication is so so important! I know this is one we’ve all heard before, but communication is everything! It helps build trust, it avoids needless arguments, and there’s no confusion. You guys will always be on the same page since you’ve clearly communicated everything that’s going on. Be open and honest and talk about everything. Talk about your goals for your finances as a couple. What is it you want to work on saving towards? Be open with where you want your life to be in 5 or 10 years. Let them know if you feel that life has become stale and you need a change. Be honest about everything: even what you’d like to do for the weekend or what time you expect to be home and if there’s any changes to your plans that may cause you to come home later. It’s not about trying to control the other person, it’s simply having respect. You guys are now a unit and if you come home late, it may change the other ones plans (like even simply what time they should cook dinner, if they’ll be putting the kids to bed by themselves, and more). So just try to communicate what you’re feeling and thinking so there can be as little conflict as possible.
  4. Date your spouse. Flirt with your them, text them throughout the day, send them pictures, or funny things you find on social media, just basically treat them like you did when you guys were dating. It does take an effort to do these things since we can get so caught up in our daily lives and the routine of things. It doesn’t have to be all day that you’re texting them but one or two funny or cute texts can go a long way. They show that you guys are thinking of each other and they help keep things fun and exciting between you too. Don’t forget to dress up cute for them too, wear cute pj’s and things like that.
  5. Look within yourself for happiness, don’t rely on your mate for that. With any relationship, you need to be happy with yourself first. You can’t expect the other person to be the answer. If you are feeling bored or unfulfilled, take up a hobby or new job . Your husband/ wife is a life partner, someone to go through experiences with, to support each other, possibly build a family together, and hopefully have fun along the way. But they should not be the only thing in life that makes you happy or the one that gives you purpose in life. I think it’s important to be your own person first. That way you can add to each other’s life and enhance it. Being another person’s only source of happiness is a lot of pressure and can be draining so if you can relieve them of that, it’ll make everyone’s life easier.

So there you have it, my 5 pieces of advice for the 5 years that I’ve been married. I hope these were helpful and were not so repetitive with the advice people usually give married people. What are your tips for married people or those looking to get married? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Till next time,

Paula Moral

The Problem With Living Your Best Life

I’m sure by now so many of you have heard the phrase “live your best life”. A motto like that has good intentions I’m sure. But the more I see that way of thinking affecting people today (youths especially), the more I’m starting to feel that a phrase like that just does more harm than good. Let me explain…

I have seen that this motto of living your best life is actually starting to make a lot of people stressed out and feel under pressure. It creates this way of thinking that if at any moment you are unhappy with anything in your life, you need to drop it immediately because it’s keeping you from living your best life. It’s causing us, especially as a generation, to not work as hard as those before us. It’s as if we no longer want to have to endure the hard work that comes along with so many good things in life because why go through that if it’s not “your best life”. Here are some examples.

Take marriage for instance. In prior generations, marriage actually meant something. It was a lifelong commitment to your partner; a promise that even when things got rough, you would still stick it out and work through those it all. But now, we are so quick to give up! If we don’t feel constantly infatuated and in love with our partner, we want to end it. Instead of having that enduring love for our partners, we are so quick to give up because in that moment, we are not “living our best life”. We think, “why go through this if I can just end it and be with someone else who I don’t have problems with”. The thing is though, sooner or later we will start to have problems and disagreements even with that new beau. That infatuation wears off and before you know it, you’re right back where you were with your last partner. We are so quick to think about the what feels best in the moment rather than thinking about the long term consequences of our actions.

Another example is work. Before, it was long understood that you have to do the nitty-gritty, dirty work before you can make your way to the “top”. It was understood that you have to work your way up in your career which meant that you’d probably have to start out doing work that you hated. But it was worth it because there was a goal in sight and you knew that this was the way to start on your road to success. That was the understanding before but now, people just want their first job to be their dream job. They want to start out making millions. I have seen so many people that refuse to do any work (even though their dirt broke and living off their parents) simply because it’s not their dream job or not “what they want to be doing with their lives”. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! It doesn’t matter if this is what you want to do with your life or not. The bottom line is you need money right now for your day to day expenses. You may have to work a retail job, a waitressing job, or at as a gas station clerk for the moment. That doesn’t mean you have to work there indefinitely. You can work on reaching your career goals on the side while you also work a not so glamorous job to get by. That’s just life. But now that we have this expectation that we have to constantly be living our best life, the thinking now is “why work at a job I hate if it’s not my best life?” And I agree that you don’t have to stay at a job that makes you miserable (at least not forever) but you may for a time have to stick it out, just until you have something else you can lean on financially. We have lost our work ethic. We no longer know how to work hard and to endure anything. We want to give up and quit so easily and it’s all because we’re basically told that we should.

Another reason why I don’t like this motto is that I feel it keeps us constantly dissatisfied. Years ago, people would appreciate their “mundane” lives. They appreciated their family unit, their home, they had a steady income, good health, basically they had all their needs met and they were satisfied. Now, we are always constantly striving to be bigger and better. We no longer are OK in a normal family home. No, now we want to live a luxurious fast lifestyle. We want fast cars, exotic trips around the world, a mansion, lots of money, we basically want the life of a celebrity. We’re no longer satisfied with the typical family life because why be satisfied with just that when you can have it all? In a way, it causes us to be greedy because we think that there’s always better out there for us. But you know what, the grass is always greener and will always be. We will always think that there is more out there that will make us happy. But having that mindset is exactly why happiness will always elude us. We will never be content and satisfied in life so we will always feel that we need to trade in our life for a bigger and better one and then we will finally be happy.

I also feel like that saying keeps us from being content with our bodies. I don’t mind people working out and trying to look their best. But I do have a problem when people are constantly going through plastic surgeries and injections, trying to obtain the “perfect” look. It’s no judgement against any person. I think if I had some extreme “flaw” that really made me self conscious, I would maybe consider getting it fixed. But most of the times that’s not what’s happening. People want to give their lips the “perfect” pout, they want to shave their nose down ever so slightly and get injections in their butt to look like a photoshopped version of a celebrity. These aren’t major “flaws”. There is nothing wrong with them to begin with. This is obsessing over your body and trying to get it to obtain a look that you can never achieve (because it’s fake). But we are told to live our best life, which at times involves doing whatever it takes to be “happy” even if it is going under risky, life threatening surgeries. But again, these things hardly ever end with someone feeling happy and satisfied with their results. It often becomes an obsession. Once they see one thing “wrong” they start noticing all these other things they’d like to fix too.

Living your best life basically makes you feel like you can never be satisfied with your current life. You must always be improving and bettering until you one day you are living your best life. It causes us to see “problems” in our life that we never saw before. We are told that we can’t be satisfied being “just a mom”, or a dad who works a normal 9-5 job and comes home to his happy family. Why settle with that when you can have a bigger and better life?

And that ladies and gentlemen is why I hate when we say “live your best life”. I understand that it has good intentions. It basically is supposed to be motivation to better yourself and your life and I am always for that. But I feel the actual outcome of trying to live by this motto is just a generation of people who are never satisfied. When ever we have problems, we just want to drop whatever is causing them and runaway from it. We no longer want to put in the work that most great things in life require. But the thing is that most of the time we have to muddle through the rough times to enjoy the good ones waiting for us on the the other side.

Let me know in the comments below what you guys think. Do you agree with my viewpoint or do you think I’m just taking it all too seriously? I would really love to hear from you and see how you guys feel about it. But until then, I’ll see you all next time. Bye!

Paula