Gentle Parenting- How To Do It And Why

I often get complimented for my calm way of talking and working with my daughter. It’s something I work on on a daily basis. It can take a lot to remain calm and patient but it’s worth it to me and its the kind of parent I want to be. I never wanted to be a screamer or for my kids to feel fearful to approach me. I am really happy with the parent I am today and have worked hard to become. I always questioned whether or not I was a good mom. It’s something that means so much to me, that’s who I want to be in life. I can clearly see now that I am a great mom. I can see it in the way my daughter talks to me and others so kindly. I can see it in what a sweetheart she has turned out to be. So I wanted to take the time today to share with you all my tips for calm and gentle parenting.

Crying babies and toddler tantrums are some of the most challenging things to deal with. I believe that’s because the way we go about it will have a lasting affect on our kids, either for the good or the bad. So we have to be very careful with the things we say to our children and the way we treat them. I will never expose people personally but I have dealt with that in my childhood. I have had people talk down to me for years and years as a child. The result? I deal with deep feelings of worthlessness and feeling that I only cause problems. That has been deeply engrained in me as a child so it takes work everyday for me to uproot those feelings and convince myself that I am not all those negative things that I had been told. All this is to say, the way we talk to our children WILL have a lasting effect even into adulthood. Children will believe what you tell them. I know some people don’t like to hear that, probably because it would exempt them of any responsibility if it wasn’t true. But these are the facts. You can ask any psychologist. We can cause our children to have long lasting attachment issues that will effect them even into their own marriages. So that is the first rule, think before you speak to your kids. Think of what the lasting consequences will be.

There will be moments when you feel so frustrated with your children that you just want to say whatever it is that comes to your mind. Don’t. When I’m feeling at my wits end and like I can’t speak calmly to my daughter in the moment, I will get my space. Either by having her go to her room and play with her toys for a little quiet time or I will go to a separate room and take a breather for a while. I have found it so beneficial to make sure that I get my quiet/alone time just about everyday. I can either do it during my daughters screen time during the day or when my husband comes home from work. Something as simple as doing my nighttime routine by myself or getting in my workout alone does me so much good. It allows me to reset, calm down and feel recharged for another day with my sweet girl. I used to feel guilty for taking this alone time but I now realize that it’s a necessity for me so that I’m not snappy or irritable with my family. So be sure to get time to yourself. When I do, it makes me happy and excited for the next day to play with my daughter and spend time with her. I feel like a whole new woman. I feel that this is especially needed when you’re a stay at home mom since we are home with our kids 24/7 with no time apart. (My daughter comes in our bed every night so it’s literally 24/7 with us.)

Going back to the way we talk with our children, please be sure not to use definitive negative statements with your kids. For example: “You are so lazy! You just love misbehaving. You never listen to me. You’re always acting up.” Like I mentioned earlier, children will believe what it is we tell them. They’re trying to make sense of the world and understand things. When we tell them something is bad, like a swear word, they believe it to be true and will avoid saying it. When we tell them saying thank you is a nice thing to do, they’ll believe it. So too, if you tell your kids that they are just so bad, a problem child, or always making a mess of things, they will believe it. They will believe that that is who they are and will act accordingly. Like I said, it’s taken me years to fix that negative view of myself that I was taught. I was taught that I am inherently a bad person. Even when negative life events had nothing to do with me, I would feel that I was somehow the cause of it and that I was to blame. So I can speak from experience. I can’t even tell you how deeply this has impacted me, how depressed I’ve felt because of it. I have to work everyday to get myself out of that dark way of viewing myself. We need to be our children’s #1 supporters and cheerleaders. Because if we don’t believe in them, why would they think anyone else would? Parents are the ones that need to tell their kids, “you can do it! I believe in you.” But if in fact we tell our kids the exact opposite, making them believe that they can’t do anything great, then that too is what they’ll believe and it’ll be a whole lot harder for them to think otherwise. They would have to fight to think that they actually could achieve something.

Next, we want to try and reason with our kids. Don’t just take things away, send them to their room, spank them, or yell at them. That honestly won’t do any good. It won’t teach them that what they did was wrong. A majority of them time when you do those things and don’t even talk to your kids, they will have no clue as to why they are being punished. They wont learn from their mistakes and most likely will just do it again since they were never told what they did wrong. During those times, I like to hold my daughter until she calms down. I wait till she’s done crying and in the mean time I like to sway her back and forth to comfort her and bring her cortisol levels down. Once she can catch her breath and talk again, I like to get down to her level. Either I will have her on my lap or I will kneel on the floor so I can be her height. That way your child doesn’t feel intimidated but they can feel more comfortable talking with you. I then ask her things like, “what’s wrong? why are you crying?”, even if I already know why. I like to have her express herself. Maybe sometimes there’s more to her being upset than I know. Once she explains herself I may say something like, “do you know why mama said no or why we cant do that thing?” I’ll let her answer and if she doesn’t know, Ill add to it and explain to her my reasoning. I’ll explain to her too that I love her very much and only say no if its going to hurt her. I’ll tell her things like ‘I want you to have fun but doing that thing is too dangerous, you could get hurt”. When I reason with her like that, it helps her to understand and to not be so upset. It makes sense to her and she can then think of those things in future situations.

We have to remember that children are still people, just miniature. So we have to take into consideration how we would feel in their shoes. I would hate for someone to dictate my every move, turn off my show whenever they felt like it, and say no for every little thing. I believe in respecting my daughter and children in general. I treat her as I would any adult. When we’re about to leave somewhere, I tell her about it and give her a 10 minute warning before we go. I always tell her the day’s schedule because just like we like to stay in the loop of things, so do our children. Even when it comes to her body, if she doesn’t want me to tickle her, than I stop. She started telling me lately that she only wants to be kissed on the top of her head, so that’s what I do. I want her to have certain boundaries with her body and to know that they will be respected. We also used to have a bunch of cutesy nicknames for her but she recently told us that she doesn’t like them; she only wants to be called by her first name. So that is what I do. Kids are worthy of respect, they deserve it. Of course there are times as parents where we have to do something they don’t like, like taking them to the dentist because even though in the moment they don’t like it, its for their own good. But when it’s less serious things, I like to give my daughter the freedom to choose and make her own decisions.

We also want to be conscience of our tone of voice with our child and our pitch. Children will respond to our mood and our way of talking. If we are loud or brash, yelling for every little thing, our kids will act the same, the tension in the house will be high. Whereas if you talk soft and calm, our children will pick up on that and it will help them to calm down too. Even if your current voice isn’t a soothing one, we can train our voices to be smoother and lower. It’s something I had to work on too but overtime it becomes second nature and it will actually become your normal default voice. Our attitude and demeanor will set the mood for our children. If they see that we are stressed and high strung, they will feel it and will begin to act accordingly. But if you are calm and patient, your child will see that there is no need to be anxious and your calming ways will rub off on them.

My last but arguably my most important tip is to pray to God for patience. We all have those days where we feel like we cant do it on our own, we need extra help and support to remain calm. That is what our amazing God and Father is for. It matters to Him how we treat our children since they are in fact a gift from him. He wants us to be gentle and loving with them so he most definitely will be there to help us if we call on him. Patience is a virtue and a quality that God wants us to display. So if we pray to him for some extra holy spirit to help us be good parents with our children, he will supply.

Those are my main tips when it comes to gentle, calm parenting. We want to be careful what we say to our children and think of the lasting harm it could potentially have. We want to show our kids respect, reason with them instead of yelling, and we want to try and talk in a soft soothing voice. And most important, we want to pray for patience. (It is in fact one of the fruitages of the spirit). I hope you guys enjoyed this article and that it helps you in becoming the kind of parent you want to be. Are there any tips you found especially helpful? Let me know in the comments below so we can keep the discussion going.

Till next time

-Paula🌺

How To Always Keep A Tidy Home (Even If You Have Kids)

For this past month, I have really been focusing in on maintaining a tidy, clean home, even with having my little 3 year old. It seems like there can always be a reason why things aren’t clean, and some of them are actual legit reasons. For myself, I found it a challenge to keep things clean when my daughter was a newborn. I feel that that’s a moment in life when you should give yourself grace and not worry so much about chores. You want to instead focus on adjusting to life with the newest member of your family. But even as my daughter got older, I found myself with the same mindset even though the newborn stage was long gone. I have now recently found a cleaning routine that works for me. It’s actually a whole lot easier and quicker to maintain than if I just allow my home to become a full blown mess. The only time now that things will get a bit chaotic is usually only if I’m not feeling well and have to use the day to rest. But other than that, the home is usually easily maintainable. So I wanted to share with you all the cleaning tips that I have adapted to my routine so you too can have an easier time maintaining your home.

  1. This is probably an obvious one but my first tip is to have your little ones help in tidying up their toys. Of course, the amount they can clean will vary depending on how old they are but they can always help out even as a little baby. I’ve always had my little girl pick up her toys for the most part, since she was about 1 years old. At that age, I would have her just pick up a small mess of toys. Now that she’s nearing 4 years old, she likes to help a whole lot with cleaning. She can clean her whole play room all on her own. She loves to help me wipe down surfaces and mirrors and sweep small messes with her mini sweeping pan. I would say maybe about half the time I’ll let her clean up her things on her own and then the other time I’ll help out. That’s usually if I can tell she’s really tired or overwhelmed with the mess. But my rule is if she stops helping out, than I will too and I won’t help if she’s purposely moving in slow motion just so she could try and do less. But our kids are very much capable and even willing to help. They like to feel included and their confidence is boosted after they’ve tackled a hard mess. I know sometimes we have to coax our children and encourage them to keep going but it does get easier and it’s a life long skill that is necessary for them as they get older.
  2. My next tip it to Use your dishwasher! I don’t know why I was so opposed to using mine for the 6 years that I’ve been married but for some weird reason, I didn’t even think of it as an option. Now that I’ve been using it these past few weeks, it has been such a timesaver! I usually take an hour to wash the dishes by hand everyday and sometimes it takes up to two hours! I don’t know why. I was just as shocked as you when I realized that. But I also include wiping down the kitchen counters, stove, sink, and table as part of that time. For me, it all has to be done in order for me to feel like the kitchen is complete. A tip I have picked up from a few youtubers is to load your dishwasher throughout the day and then run it at night. That way when you wake up, all the dishes will be ready to go for the day. You also want to be sure to unload the dishwasher and put them all away in the morning. That way your washer will be cleared and ready for you to load the dirty ones in there throughout the day.
  3. Do one load of laundry each day. That also includes hanging them up and storing them in the dresser too. Laundry is one of the chores that I really dislike. I enjoy putting them in the wash and folding them. I love having clean clothes too. But I just hate hate hate the hanging up process. I don’t know why😂. I think it’s because there’s just always so much laundry to do so it honestly feels like a never-ending task. Especially when you have a toddler who loves to change her outfits about 3 times a day.😄 You end up not knowing what’s dirty or clean so to be safe you just end up washing them all! So a tip I’ve heard from others that I’ve also found personally helpful is to wash one load each day. When you do that overtime, you’ll find that your daily loads are so small that it only takes about 10-15 minutes to put them all away. And when it comes to doing any chores you hate (mine is laundry) my tip is to just do it. You’ll often find that it was actually a lot easier and quicker to do than you had anticipated in your head. At least that’s what I tend to find. I often will just wake up and hang up the clothes waiting for me before I even have my breakfast. Since I’m hungry, it often helps me to move quicker and just get it done so I can eat sooner.
  4. Try tidying messes as you see them. Are you cooking and notice that the kitchen floors need a good sweeping? Or has the entry way floor started to track in mud from shoes? Try to clean those things as soon as you see them. I understand that at times we can’t drop everything and clean. We have children to attend to, we may be tired or not feeling well. There’s just often a lot going on. That’s why I say try. I have noticed that it’s easier to stay on top of things if I’m quick to tidy as I go. But I have my days though where I choose not to do it because my body is begging for some rest. So as with this and all the other tips, just incorporate the ones that are a good fit for you and your household. These aren’t hard and fast rules to live by. For example, if I have to make the choice between using my spare time to tidy another mess or spend time with my daughter, I choose my daughter. There will literally always be a mess to clean. I rather focus my time and attention on my sweet girl for as long as I can. They’re only little once so I want to make the most of it. So don’t always stress yourself out about keeping things pristine at all times.
  5. Another tip I’d like to add is to make your bed as soon as you wake up. I just love the look of a made bed but on top of that, I feel that it helps me to get my cleaning gears going so I’m already in that zone. It makes me want to check more things off my cleaning to do list.
  6. A tip for all the mamas out there, I’ve found it especially helpful to put my little girls toys in bins and then putting those bins up high in a closet so she can’t get to them herself. When she was able to reach all her toys, it would be a free for all with every little tiny toy out on the floor. So now, she just has access to larger, easier to clean toys like her music ones, stuffed animals, things like that. For tiny pieces like those Barbie accessories, those all go in one of the plastic containers that I keep in the closet. She has another one for play-doh things, another for arts and crafts and the like. I’ll usually only let her have one bin out at a time so the mess is easier to manage. It also tends to motivate her to to want to clean up those toys that are already out because in order for her to get a different bin, the rule is that she has to first clean up the one she’s working with. I have seen too that if I forget to put the other bins away at night, then she’ll end up dumping them all the next morning at once. So if you do try this one out, dont forget to put those bins back in the closet! But if you want to make the toy messes smaller and easier to clean, you might want to try implementing this trick.

These are my basic 6 principles of cleaning that have helped me with keeping a tidier home. Like I’ve mentioned, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not able to keep things as clean as you would like to. We’re all going through different seasons of life and have our own challenges. I only have one child who is almost 4 so she is very much self sufficient. It’s not nearly as challenging as having a newborn or 4 kids so please don’t compare or feel guilty. (Mom guilt is a powerful thing!) I hope maybe by trying a few of these out, they’ll make your life a little easier and help things run more smoothly. Please let me know in the comments any cleaning tips you have for us all. I’m still trying to learn where I can and could always use more help. I hope you enjoyed this article and until next time…bye!

-Paula🌙

I Am Done Hating My Body (An End To Diets)

I have been on such a long, hard road of dieting. I can’t even tell you just how much it has ruled my life and controlled everything I do. I have never not been on some sort of diet, meal plan, or special way of eating for even a month since I was 12 years old! I am done hating myself, fighting my body, and focusing all my thoughts and energy on controlling food. It has drained me, kept me from social events, and even from eating a slice of cake at my own wedding! I can’t even tell you how tired of it I am and unfortunately so many other woman are fighting this same battle everyday.

I know it’s debatable but I really do believe in the idea of set point theory. That theory basically states that our bodies prefer to stay at a certain weight (it’s different for everyone) and if you go under that weight, your body will fight to bring it back up. Usually that’s by revving up your appetite and slowing down your metabolism. Your body does this, in theory, to bring you back to your original weight since your body functions best there. I have seen this in myself. I’ll start a diet, weight comes off easy breezy, and then I hit a point, normally around 10 pounds of weight loss. It’s as if my body thinks, “wait, she’s still losing weight and it’s not ending. She’s not going to stop.” And it is at that time that suddenly, my appetite is through the roof! I feel ravenous, food becomes all I can think about. I count down the hours just waiting for my eating window to open up again. The diet that was once so easy and had me losing weight effortlessly is now no longer ok with my body. And it’s not just hungry. I can take hungry and in fact throughout my 10+ years of restrictive eating, it was something that I had to get used to. This is much more than just that. It’s a churning in your stomach, it’s rumbling so loud that people next to you can hear.

This my friends is not about willpower, it’s biology. When I am eating so little that I can’t do normal tasks, get delayed periods, and am snappy and irritable with everyone. When I need a nap just to make it through the day, this is not a matter of not having enough self control. This is a matter of me just wanting to be able to perform normal everyday things without feeling lightheaded. And that was the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around. For me, I believe that if I want it bad enough, I can get it. I know the hard work and determination I put towards everything I want in life. I have always been able to achieve whatever it is I put my mind to. So realizing that after 10+ years in a vain pursuit to achieve the “perfect body” that it is in fact something that I may possibly never be able to achieve? That’s so crushing to my A-type personality. It’s still an idea I’m adjusting to.

Of course, it is possible to be thin, but at what cost? I’m not willing to do it if I have to stay hungry everyday of my life just to look that way, if I have to deny every craving I ever have, if I’ll have to feel anxiety around food, or be too weak to do anything fun. I have read many testimonies of girls who finally got to that smaller size, but to maintain it, they had to keep a disordered way of eating. They would exercise for hours everyday, not go to certain social events, had a bunch of food rules, and the like. They would often isolate themselves most days too so they could practice their eating disorder in private. I have no problem putting in the work. I have. But I’m not willing to live a life feeling famished all day, obsessing over food. That’s not the kind of life I want to live just to attain a certain look that is not particularly healthy for my body type.

And I don’t mean I just want to binge on all the junk food and go crazy either. I don’t. I simply want to eat healthy and balanced, continue exercising (because I really do enjoy it), and just let my weight fall where it may. I’m just so tried of fighting my body and not just working with it, of always being dissatisfied and treating myself as if I need to change everything. I just want to be at peace with myself, to enjoy a variety of food, and just live my life.

This issue of trying to achieve the “perfect body” has been speculated to have it’s origins in big business. Meaning, that these companies make it seem as if there is a problem with our bodies (through advertising) so we’ll buy the weight loss products that they’re selling. Think about it! As of 2019, the weight loss industry ranked in $72.7 billion dollars! For all the supplements, teas, powders, videos, and memberships that we’re made to believe we need. If we were all told to just eat a healthy diet and embrace your body for what it is, there wouldn’t be a need for such a market. How would they make their money if we all believed that there was nothing wrong with us? I do believe that we are made to feel ugly if we have any amount of body fat on us just so that there will be a niche in the market for all the weight loss “tools” that we try, believing that this next big thing will be the answer.

I am just ready to live my life and without food being the main focus. Dieting all these years has really robbed me of precious moments. As I mentioned in the opening, I didn’t even have a piece of cake at my own wedding! That’s so sad to me. For years I was literally afraid to eat a brownie or pizza because I truly believed that it would cause me to gain all my weight back, just by eating it for that one time. I was afraid of food. I’m done living that life, I’m done starving myself, and I’m done believing the lie that something is wrong with me just so I’ll throw away all my money towards weight loss endeavors.

I hope you guys enjoyed this vulnerable article of mine. My hope for you is that you’ll avoid all the pain and misery that goes into dieting and obsessing over food. If you’re in the thick of it at the moment, I hope this article somehow encourages you to find a way out of that. Please let me know what you thought in the comments below so we can continue the conversation. And if you are struggling in this area, you can always email me by going to my contact page. I’m here to listen and help in anyway I can.

Until next time,

Paula 🌙

The Beauty Of A Private Life (& The Effects Of Oversharing)

Oversharing. Have you heard of it? Even if you’re not familiar with the term, I know we’ve all seen it. It’s when people share just way too much of their private life: fights they’re currently having with their spouse, all the things their kids do wrong, or the one I find most disturbing, people’s personal body hygiene. Some things just don’t need to be shared and are best kept to yourself. So today I wanted to talk about the beauty of having a private life and actually keeping a filter on the things you share.

We don’t see that too much anymore. It actually seems to be the norm to share pretty much everything. I feel that stems a lot from the millennial generation of Youtubers. (I am a millennial myself so this is by no means an attack of those in our age group). As Youtubers shared more and more of their life, we as the viewers started to view that as the thing to do, especially if you want to be an influencer yourself. I don’t blame those Youtubers though because honestly, I think you probably run out of things to make videos on sometimes so you basically try to use anything you can for content once your other ideas have run dry. But what we all have to keep in mind is that once those things are shared, we can’t take them back.

It’s sad to say so but not everyone has good intentions and when they hear what your personal struggles or issues are, they may very well use those against you. I don’t want any of us to become paranoid and worry about who’s a real friend or who’s not. But just keep in mind that once you share those things, they will be known by everyone (including those who don’t like you very much).

We also have to think about the long term affect of what we share. Say you post embarrassing things about your kids or talk negatively of them, in the moment it may seem cute or like you’re just venting, but keep in mind that one day your child will grow up and see those things. They will one day be an adult who may be humiliated by something their parents posted of them, something they wish wasn’t out there. Try to keep in mind that your child is their own person. Little as they are, they still need their own privacy and that’s something that should not be violated. This isn’t to say you can’t share anything of your child, of course you can! They are your pride and joy and are often funny little things. My argument is to just think before you post. Think of who is going to see this, think of it potentially being screenshotted and shared with others. Is that ok with you? If it is, then by all means post. But if you have any hesitation, try pausing and think about the lasting effects before you do. You could also choose to just send it to certain ones like maybe family or close friends, that way you can enjoy it all together without the whole world needing to see it.

When it comes to personal hygiene, please please keep that to yourself. Especially the ladies. I’m not attacking or hating on women, I am in fact one myself. But you just don’t really see men talking much, if at all about their personal hygiene things. So for my fellow females, please let’s keep that all to ourselves. I understand wanting to feel “relatable” especially in this day and age of social media where everything is so curated and not relatable but please. We do not need to be showing off a fully grown hairy armpit or show people how we shave our legs that are so hairy they could be mistaken for my husband’s. we do not need to be talking about our periods, problems we have down there, or any kind of smells we experience. (I cringe as I write this, I hope you know that). Those are topics best kept for your close female relatives or friends. It’s sad to say but when you so openly talk about those personal things and even post about it on social media, it brings down your mystery, grace, femininity, and even attraction by a whole whole lot. Now if that’s something you don’t care about, then feel free to share away. But for those who do care about having a certain feminine mystery and intrigue, please keep all that to yourself. I don’t feel that it’s lady like at all to share those things with the world.

Along with that is keeping your personal development and goals to yourself. This isn’t something that is necessarily wrong to share, I’ve done it before as you can see with my previous posts. But I’ve learned that there’s beauty in keeping that to yourself. To work on yourself in quiet and not share every little thing you may be struggling with. In the past I have shared while I was in the middle of a certain goal. But this time around I want to keep it to myself and share it with you all afterwards. There are different reasons why I’m choosing to go about it this way this time around. One big one is that I don’t want to spread misinformation. A lot of times when we’re trying to achieve a goal, we’ll have to try many different methods before we finally reach it. In the past, I have shared what I was doing only to find out that it was totally wrong and not something that was going to work long-term. I just feel bad to have people see that and follow that sort of wrong way of doing things and never know that I actually don’t even agree with it anymore. And I could make an updated post about my new stragedy but there’s no guarantee that that person would ever see it.

Those are just a few of the many reasons why i think we need to value having a private life and not sharing every little detail in our personal lives. When you keep things private, people will have nothing to speculate on because they don’t know anything. They won’t have any personal details to go off on. They can assume what they want but they won’t really be able to base it on anything. Having a private life can mean peace and little to no backlash or criticism since people don’t even know what you’re up to. You can make mistakes without the whole world having to know about it too. And that is a beautiful thing.

What are your thoughts? Do you think we should keep more to ourselves or is sharing just caring? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

Paula 🦋

My Updated Goals For 2020 (Because Who Could’ve Predicted What This Year Would Bring)

Hi everyone! Hello and welcome back to my blog 🙂 It’s been a while since we’ve last talked. I believe I took a month or two off since my last post but it was something that I needed. There has just been so much going on in the world, as we all know, and I just needed a moment to myself to think, reflect, and digest it all. In that time, a good amount of things have changed too. I’ll be updating you guys about it all as we go along. I thought today I would share with you my updated goals for the rest of 2020, because you know what, most of the goals I made at the beginning of the year have pretty much gone out the window. None of us could’ve predicted what this year would have brought us. We all had grand plans at the beginning of the year; we were just so bright eyed and innocent back then. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t still make the most of this time (mostly) at home. Here are my updated goals for the remaining 6 months:

  1. Eat normal and allow my body to find it’s set point. I hesitate to say this but I think I’m coming to the realization that I have an eating disorder. I’ll get into this more in a later post when I feel more comfortable to open up. But basically the more I’m reading on the subject and looking at my own eating patterns and thoughts towards food ever since I was 12, I realize there’s definitely a problem there. I have basically never not been on a diet for more than 2 weeks (not until this month since I am now trying to heal). I really am eager to share with you guys all about my journey with healing my body and the issues that I’ve had with eating for the past 11 years. It’s just a sensitive topic since I am currently in the midst of it. I worry that if someone were to make a negative comment about my journey towards healing, that it may hurt me enough to want to relapse. And I of course don’t wamt that. I also don’t want to put information out there on something I’m just starting to learn. So in due time, we will talk about it all. My goal is to continue to listen to my body, eat healthy and nutrious food but still allow for sweets and snacks when I’m craving them. I basically don’t want to go on a diet or starve myself. I want my body to be able to settle where it needs to without me getting in the way of that.
  2. Continue to grow my small shop. During my time away from my blog, I’m excited to say that I started my own business selling handmade goods! Right now I have fulfilled a couple orders of baby booties and hats. It’s just what people have been interested in so far. I can knit anything that people want though. My Instagram business page is @PeachyCreamPaula in case you’re interested in seeing for yourself. I do always appreciate a like and follow so feel free to do that if you do in fact like what you see. Along with knitted goods, I also make macrame baby teethers and have plans to make more macrame things. I also love drawing so I plan on eventually selling some of those too. I have just always had a love for arts and for making beautiful things with my hands ever since I was young. I thought it was time to finally start my own shop and I’m very excited to see where it goes.
  3. Save Money! It’s so funny because out of no where, I suddenly want to save all the money! I don’t know if it’s just an age thing and I’m maturing (I’ll be 24 this december) but out of no where there has just been a shift in me in which I refuse to spend more money than I have too. I think it has just been that I’ve realized that I’ve wasted money buying things from a certain brand or store that I honestly could’ve gotten a dupe for SO much cheaper. I think that just aggravates me. I think of how that money could’ve been used towards something that actually mattered to me like home renovation projects or a nice vacation. It’s upsetting when you find something for so much cheaper but you already spent your money on the more expensive version. So I am just on a mission to save as much money as possible. That means going to Wal-Mart and the dollar store whenever possible, making eating out only for special occassions (maybe like twice a month), packing my husbands lunches, and renting movies only on rare occassions. This is my first month putting these policies into place so we’ll see at the end of the month just how much we were able to save. I’m so excited for it and I can’t wait to share the results with you all. I’m also switching my makeup to the cheapest ones possible (while still maintaining the look and quality that I want) so I’m eager to share with you the cheaper finds so it can help make your switch even easier too (if that’s something you’re wanting to do).
  4. I do plan on blogging regularly again. It may have to be less times a week since I also have my small shop that I’ll also be working on. I’m thinking for right now I will focus on posting one article a week since that’s a managable goal for me. You can expect to see a new post from me evey Monday morning at 11am EST. I have so many new posts for you guys talking about all the things listed above along with some outfit lookbooks for the fall, what a normal day for me in my restricitve eating recovery looks like, what motivated me to get off the dieting cycle, and so much more. I’m also open to taking recommendations from you guys for anything new you all want to see.
  5. We also plan on possibly moving to a whole new state! That may come as a shocker to some of you since we literally just bought our house less than a year ago (it’ll be a year in December). It honestly was a surprise for us too since we had planned on living here for a while. But some things have come up, I’ll get into it in another post, and we may be moving states in a year’s time. Pretty much my husband and I are not crazy about this city in California that we live in (and also where he grew up). We’re not crazy about the state as a whole and it’s way too texpensive. So this home we moved into was our last hurrah and chance to still make it work. If we have to move (which it looks like we will) we don’t really want to stay here. We are really loving North Carolina based off what we have researched and what our friends who have moved there have said. So my goal for this year is to keep researching it, gathering information, and visiting a few times if it’s safe enough to do so. It will be a challenge trying to visit with the whole pandameic that’s going on. I don’t even know if we’ll really be able to. We’ll wait to see if things calm down and if they don’t then we’ll just have to reevaluate at that time.

I think that wraps up my updated goals for this year. I can’t believe how different some of them are from where I thought I’d be at the start of the year. Like moving? I never would’ve imagined that and yet now my husband and I are willing to move to a state we’ve never been to blindly! But that’s life; it’s ever-changing and always surprising us. I like that though, it’s like a new adventure. But I have to say, it’s the reason why when people ask me: “where do you see yourself in 10 years?”, I honestly have no clue and no real answer to give them! I had no idea that I’d get married at 18 and move from ky home town of Boston to California. I didn’t expect to have my daughter at 20 or to be a homeowner at 23. One thing’s for sure, I like to move fast. I’m impulsive and impatient. It sometimes kicks me in the butt but for the most part it leads me to unexpected adventures, and I love that.

If you guys enjoyed this little life update, please make sure to give it a like and to subscirbe so you can be the first to see the latest and the greatest from moi. Let me know any new updated goals that you guys may have for this year. Where has 2020 left you? I’d love to hear how you all are doing during this time too.

Yours truly,

Paula🦋

Day 1 Of No Social Media (and Why I’m Doing It)

Today, while in the 4th month of quarantine, I wasn’t on any social media whatsoever. I didn’t have any pictures to post, comments to reply to, or stats to check. Normally during this time of staying home, I would use it as an excuse to consume even more social media. I would think, what else am I to do? But recently I’ve been more concerned of the effects social media may produce; not only for myself but for my daughter, not even just for the moment but even into the future. Let me explain.

Why I Wanted To Do It

I’ve noticed in myself lately a trouble concentrating. Lately, when people talk to me, it’s almost as if I can’t hear them. I’m trying to make out what they’re saying but just can’t. I feel as though maybe it’s because my mind is divided and thinking of multiple of things at the same time. And social media can do that to you (based on articles and videos I’ve watched on this topic). I didn’t like that feeling. I didn’t like not being there in the moment when my daughter was trying to share something with me. I’m normally really good at listening and being there so I didn’t like not feeling close to her. Along with not being able to focus on a conversation very well, I also could not get through a book for nothing! I used to breeze through multiple books in a week. Now, I would have to reread the same passage over and over again because it just wasn’t getting through my head. I couldn’t focus anymore!

Another reason why I wanted to quit social media was that I didn’t like the amount of time that was spent on it. If you watch the video I linked in the paragraph above, you’ll see that Dr. Cal Newport brings up the point that none of us want to spend the amount of time that we do on social media. It’s habitual and it’s addictive but it would never be a choice that we would actively make if we put thought into it. I couldn’t agree with that more. How many times do we click on one of those apps just to “check” something and before we know it, we’ve passively spent an hour or more when that wasn’t even our intention? I didn’t like having the habit of checking my phone constantly either.

I also don’t like the way it makes us feel. Think about it: have you ever walked away from social media feeling better and proud of the way you used your time? I sure don’t. I never think, “I am so glad I spent two hours watching videos that I don’t really care about and seeing the latest pictures from strangers I don’t know.” I either feel bad because I’ve wasted my time or I feel bad comparing my life or myself to someone else’s. So I never walk away from it feeling better, only worse.

In addition, I feel like it keeps us from enjoying the moment with our loved ones. Instead of just enjoying beach day with your family, we stop and take a picture. We didn’t like the first one so we stop to change the angle, fix the lighting, pose, reposition things. And we do this all to have the most aesthetic picture possible to show off to the world. Why? Why do we do this and why are we so concerned with the world seeing just how great our life is? What are we trying to prove? It’s something I’ve been thinking about. I think a lot of us just do social media because it’s the norm; everyone does it so we don’t put much thought into it. It also becomes a habit like I mentioned before so it just becomes something we do without even thinking about it.

Another side note, it’s not big but just something I’ve been thinking about, I’m not comfortable with my daughter having memories of me just being on my phone all day. In my defense, I do do a lot of different things on my phone: I text family members, read and study, write on my blog, order things we need at home, and more. So not all things done on the phone need to be considered a waste of time. But if I can reduce that time by a big chunk, simply by canceling social media, then I definitely want to do it. I don’t like the idea of every time my daughter walks into the room, she sees me on my phone. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be on your phone since a lot of useful things can come out of it, but I don’t know. It just gives me an eerie feeling and it’s something that I worry about.

I also felt like it started to develop within me a focus of just myself. It was as if I felt that I needed to take a selfie because people just had to see how good I looked that day. I felt like I needed to promote my blog to get more views on it. It just started to feel like everything was all about me, and that felt wrong. It wasn’t that I thought I was the best thing out there, but it was what I thought I had to do if I wanted to stay relevant and gain traction for my blog. And trust me, I don’t care at all about followers and numbers, or anything like that. But I felt like it was something that was necessary in order to promote my blog, help it gain attention, and eventually turn it into a business. I didn’t like that feeling. I don’t want it to be all about me; I don’t feel like it should be. I also didn’t want friends and family to get the wrong impression either and think that I felt like I was the best. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I didn’t want my loved ones to get the wrong idea and believe that I felt superior to them and to others because I don’t feel that way at all.

I also worry about my family’s privacy. When you post everything about your family, you leave yourself vulnerable. That may seem over dramatic but that’s just how I feel. Now everything is up for speculation and people will comment on everything and anything that you and your family do. If you haven’t posted a picture of your spouse in a while, some may start to think you’re going through something, maybe a separation. We leave ourselves open to public opinion and suddenly people feel entitled to comment on your life: what you need to change, how you’re lacking as a parent or spouse. It feels as if they’ve invaded your personal bubble, your safe space. And suddenly the safety and privacy of your home is no longer yours but put on display for the world to see and speculate on. To me, It’s just safer to keep my family life private and outside of the public eye and keep it the secure dwelling place that it is.

Why I Hesitated

I have been wanting to end my social media habit for a while now but I’ve hesitated. I was convinced that I had to keep my social media accounts for a few reasons. One, I didn’t want people from back home to forget about me. It may sound silly, and maybe it is, but it was a real concern of mine. I’ve moved from the Boston area to California nearly 6 years ago after I married my sweet husband. So I thought maybe people I grew up with would forget me but you know what, they just might and that’s OK. I accept that now. I realize that my true friends and those that really love me; they’ll be the ones to remember me. We don’t need to keep in contact with everyone we’ve ever met. It’s not as if everyone I went to elementary, middle, and high school with ended up being my best friends. A lot of them have grown up to be on totally different paths than I’m on and that’s OK. If I’m meant to reconnect with certain people, I think it’ll just happen.

I also worried that my blog, my business, would not be able to grow if I didn’t have a social media platform to promote it on. I thought that’s just what you had to do if you were serious about your growing your business. Honestly, that may still be true, I’m not gonna lie. I don’t know how many people on my Instagram, Pinterest or Facebook, would actually click the link to my blog anyways though. It may be close to none or it may be a great deal. I of course still want to grow my blog but not at the cost of all the things I’ve mentioned above. I’m just going to continue writing new posts and hope that maybe the SEO algorithm on google will do me good and help others to find my little corner of the internet.

Day 1 Recap

Today was day one of no social media. So how was it? It was great actually great. My daughter and I ended up having a real fun time together, joking and laughing throughout it all. I felt much closer to her since my attention was actually on her and nothing was there to divide it. The only weird thing was the habit of checking my social media. Several times throughout the day I thought to check my accounts, just to realize that there were no accounts to look at. It wasn’t too hard but it was just kind of funny realizing all the times that I would’ve been on my phone had I actually been using social media today.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I want this to be a permanent thing, I really do. I will say, I don’t 100% know if that’ll be the case. It almost feels weird to think of never having a social media account again and I think I can never say never. Who knows if I go 20 years without it and then decide for some reason to start it up again? I don’t know if this will just be a break from social media or a long term thing but I hope it is for a long time. I’ve been wanting to break free from social media for a while now but it can just be so addicting. I feel like I might be ready though. I hear that the first 2-3 weeks are the hardest so I want to at least make it to that point before I even think of trying to log on again.

What will I do with all this free time now? I have a lot in mind. One thing I think would be fun to start is scrap-booking. I was previously using Instagram as my own online scrapbook but if I’m not going to use that anymore, then it’d be nice to have an actual book of paper copies of my pictures. I think it’d be fun to buy a Polaroid camera for this project too. We’ll see. It’s just an idea right now but who knows.

I also want to use this time to blog a whole lot more. Now that my head will be free to think more clearly, I think I’ll have a lot more ideas for what I want to write. Even today’s post felt a little more easier to write. Perhaps because I didn’t have the distractions from my phone. I want to read more during this time too. Like I said, I used to devour so many books at a time but after using social media, reading feels too hard. I want to get back into it though and rediscover that love I once had.

I also plan on doing daily workouts. That may seem random but it is something I’ll be using my time for. Even today I ended up doing my first 30 minute Pilates routine in quite a while. I just really want to use this time to focus on my family, reconnect with the things I once loved, and basically mind my own business and worry about taking care of my little circle of loved ones.

I hope you guys enjoyed today’s article. It was a bit different than what I normally do but this was something that was on my mind and heart so I wanted to share it with you all. Do you guys feel the same, that you want to quit social media, or at least take a break from it? For me, it’s been a long time coming but I’ve just always made excuses like “I need it for my business” or “I hardly even use it”. But lately I feel like I’ve been seeing the negative effects more and more from my social media use and felt like it was time to finally just jump in and do it, cold turkey. Let me know what you guys thought of it. I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time,

Paula

My Everyday Makeup Routine (Step-By-Step Guide With Over 40 Pictures And Product Links)

I often get asked how I do my makeup, by friends and strangers. I once did an Instagram video in which I broke down each step of my makeup routine, but I realized that it’s something I never talked about on my blog. So I wanted to share it with you guys and since some people are visual learners, I made sure to take LOTS of pictures. I hope you enjoy each and every one of them. Let’s get right into it.

First, we want to start off with a nice fresh face. For me, I do more of my in depth facial cleansing at night when I’m taking off my makeup and all the oil and dirt from the day. In the morning, I just freshen it up with some witch hazel. I use cotton pads that you can find at Walmart, Target, and even the dollar store. I pour some onto the pad and wipe it all over my face, over my eyes, and down my neck. I feel like it really helps to wake me up too. This one just so happened to also be infused with rose water, but I don’t usually buy this one; It was just the only one left in the store. To be honest, I don’t see a difference between this one and the original plain witch hazel so I wouldn’t sweat it if you’re not able to buy this exact one.

After I’ve freshened up my face, I’ll apply my daily SPF. I have recently been paying more mind to preventing skin damage, especially when it comes to my face. It can just really cause premature aging and even melanoma so it’s really important that we take sun protection seriously. This one is a natural one that I got from Amazon. I try my best to switch as many products as I can to natural ones. I don’t do it for all of them though, as you’ll see, because I still want my products to work a certain way and if I can’t get that with the natural ones, I’ll just use conventional ones.

Next, I put my makeup primer on all over my face. This one is another natural product. I love how it moisturizes and really makes my skin feel alive. It has such a pretty glow to it too, making your face look so dewy. I would say moisturizing your face, in some way, before you put makeup on is so vital! It’ll help make the application process so smooth and will leave you with a more natural look. It’s as if the foundation and makeup is able to melt into your skin instead of just sitting on top. From my experience, if I don’t moisturize, my makeup will look dry and pasty and not at all how you ideally would want it to look.

After I moisturize my face, I then do the same to my lips. I just hate my skin or lips to feel dry and tight so I like to get this done right away. It’ll just irritate me if I don’t😂 I like to use Carmex because it’s easy to layer onto your lipstick later on in the day if it’s starting to wear off. What I often will do is apply it on top of my lipstick mid-day, rub my lips together, and voila you look like you just reapplied new lipstick when really all you did was put a little lip balm on.

Next I think it’s important to note that I always dampen my sponge. I have had days where I was too lazy to do so and just skipped this step which resulted in my makeup looking dry, textured and pasty; basically not how anyone wants their makeup to look. So I would say a damp sponge is a must!

Now we apply foundation. I love, love, love this Milani conceal and perfect one. I have tried to switch to others, in hopes of finding one that’s better and immediately end up regretting it. This one just has such good coverage and without looking unnatural. It covers what it needs to without looking like mask. But it is also very breathable and not heavy at all; to the point that I sometimes forget I even have it on as I carry on with my day. I feel like my skin can breathe and like it’s not at all suffocated with this one (which I know is a big concern when you’re using high coverage makeup).

Next, we move on to concealer. This is my tried and true favorite. It again has such a good coverage but doesn’t look unnatural or heavy. I use the color “natural” in the summer time since I have a little tint from the sun, a little more color. But normally when I’m not tan, I use the shade “vanilla”. I just apply it to the typical place you would apply concealer for contouring: down my nose, underneath my eyes, on my chin, a little triangle on my forehead, and a little above my jaw.

Then just like with the foundation, you want to dab that into your face. With all my makeup, I dab, no brushing across or sweeping (unless we’re doing loose powder). Dabbing your makeup on helps to build coverage instead of accidentally taking some off; which is what happens to me if I try sweeping my makeup across.

Now onto bronzer. This is just a picture of me showing you the one I use: Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer. It is the best! I again have tried other ones but none have been as pigmented and smooth as this one has. Other brands tend to be too light for me (even when I use their darkest shade) and it ends up looking like you have no bronzer on whatsoever. I’ve also used ones that were so patchy it made me look like I had a skin condition. So I always revert back to this one. It’s just what I need.

I start with applying the bronzer on the top of my forehead. Again, to do this I dab it on. If you were to smear it or try swooping your brush, you could potentially wipe away the foundation from underneath, giving you a patchy look. As a side note, the reason why you would want to wear bronzer is to bring some warmth and color to your face (as foundation can sometimes wash your skin out). It also gives your face depth by defining your facial features; it makes your cheekbones pop, gives a tightened and toned look to your jaw, and it helps define and slim your nose (if that’s what you want). I just wanted to add that in there because I’ve had friends ask me what the purpose of contouring and bronzer is all about.

I then go on to do the hollows of my cheeks to define those cheek bones. I’ve recently been trying a new technique of just using the side bristles of my brush (so not the whole width of it) to help only mark a small thin area of my cheek so it can be more clean and defined rather then if I just powdered my whole cheek brown. I hope that makes sense with the way I’m explaining it.

Next, I go along my jaw line. You want to make sure that for this one, you’re going underneath your face. I use to do it on my face directly which ended up making me look silly since I’d have a brown line all along the bottom of my face. Make sure you keep it tucked in and hidden by focusing it more beneath the jawline.

Next we just bring that bronzer on down your neck. You don’t really want to be adding much bronzer to the brush, if any at all, during this step. This is more so to help blend the bronzer you already have on your face, with your neck so that there will be a smooth transition in color. You wouldn’t want your chest to be white and then your face or neck brown. So bringing the bronzer down your neck just helps to fade it all in so it transitions better.

Now I go on to contour my nose. I just use a small eye shadow brush to apply bronzer to the sides of my nose. I make sure to go all the way up to where my eyebrows start and then down again to the tip of my nose. If you feel that the bronzer is noticeable and just looks like brown markings on your face, don’t worry. Once we apply the setting powder, it’ll help to blend everything out.

Next I like to go in with blush. Some people like to skip blush all together but in my mind, how can you? I love a rosy pink cheek; I think it’s so feminine and cute. This one is from the Honest company so it’s another natural beauty product (you see, I’m trying😄) I again dab this onto the tops of my cheeks. I used to do my whole cheek but that just ended up making me look like a clown, unbeknownst to me. But you make makeup mistakes sometimes, and you look kind of crazy on those days, but you learn from it and get better from there.

Dab, dab, away✨

Now we set and blend it all in with some loose powder. This big jar was only $6 on Amazon. A friend recommended it to me and so far, so good. I take a medium sized sturdy brush, dip it in the powder, tap the excess on the side of the jar, and then just apply it to the especially oily areas, mainly my t-zone. When it comes to brushes, just use the one that makes the most sense to you and that gives you the results you’re wanting. I’m so certain I’m not using the brushes correctly or as they’re intended to be used but that doesn’t matter to me. I think that as long as you’re happy with the end result, then you’ve done your makeup right. That’s why you don’t really see me specifying the exact brush I use for each step. Just play around with them and see which ones you like to work with best.

This step is a new one for me. I literally just started incorporating lip liner into my routine maybe a week or two ago. I always had a friend who would basically tell me I should use it, I saw Youtube videos of girls who made a dramatic difference just by using it so I thought, why not just try it all ready. So I bought this pink one from Rimmel London. My lipsticks tend to be pinkish nude colors anyways so I figured it would work. You want to choose a lip liner that is a pretty close match to the lipstick you’ll be using it with so it blends together nicely. Again, I find that moisturized lips help make the process so much smoother since the liner can just glide across your lips instead of it being jagged and constantly stopping. I just line the inner and a bit of the outer of my lips and that’s it.

I next apply my lipstick. (Sorry it’s upside down in the picture. I didn’t notice that while I was taking it). This is my favorite lipstick that has been my go-to for probably a year now (maybe a little more too). I’ll try other lipsticks from time to time but again always revert back to this one because it’s just a favorite. I really like the formula in this liquid matte lipstick because it doesn’t feel too tight on my lips. You know how matte lipsticks can be, drying, tight, peeling. But with this one, I get none of that. It looks streaky at first when you put it on, but just allow it to dry and then you’ll have a nice full coverage look.

Next we go on to eyeshadow; one of my favorite parts! I just love how you can be so expressive and versatile when it comes to eyeshadow. It’s fun. This is a cheap palette I bought from Amazon for only $11. The quality is very good so that’s why I continue to order these kind of palettes. This one is called Sweet Mint from the brand Best Land. I’ll have all the products linked below to make it easier for you to find each product.

The first color I used is this light pink. Unfortunately they don’t have their own names so I can’t tell you what each color is called. But I used this blush pink all over the base of my eyelid.

Next I went in with this shimmering burnt sienna color for my lid. You’ll notice that for me I tend to use warm pinks, oranges, and browns. They just tend to suit me best as I am a fall tone, after all This one I just covered my lid with. You may have to go in a few times with the color just to make sure you’re getting the opaqueness that you want.

The color ended up coming in darker than I wanted (it was very red) so I just went in with my beauty blender and tapped it on my lid a bit to help lighten it up. I then used my finger to kind of blend in the concealer that was transferred from the blender. This isn’t something I normally have to do, simply because I usually don’t have mistakes like this. But on this day I just so happened to put too much. It’s a good opportunity though to show you what I do in a situation like this when I needed to correct my makeup.

After I fixed that little mishap, I next went in on the crease with this brown shade. For my crease, I use a small slanted brush (I’ll try finding a link for that too) and then I just dab it into my crease. I don’t add too much color on my brush when doing this because a little goes a long way. So start with a less and you can always add more if you need to.

Dab it into your crease.

I also will use the same color that I used for my crease for under my eyes. Our eye shapes will vary so what suits one person won’t suit another and vice versa. For me, I notice that my eyes look best when there’s a little something lining the bottom. I feel like it gives my eyes more balance and just evens out the look for me. So again you can play around with it and see what works best for your unique eye shape.

I’m then going to go in with this sparkle white color and dab that into the inner corners of my eyes. I love adding a little pop of shimmer to this part of the eye because it’s such a small thing but it really makes a difference in your overall look (and it makes you glow a little more😊). As a side note, sorry the pictures aren’t as crisp and clear. Hopefully I can soon invest in a better camera for you guys to see all the sharp details in my pictures. Just know that it’s something I’m working on.

Would you like to have some glitter? Yes please!✨

Next I go in with my eyeliner. Since taking these pictures, I’ve recently moved on to using a liquid eyeliner pen. It’s literally the same application and everything. I just feel that with the liquid one, it can be seen better so it’s more noticeable. I sometimes have the issue of this pencil eyeliner being too light that you can’t even tell it’s there. I’ll link both products down below so you can decide for yourself which one you want. What works best for my eyes is for me to just do a flick on the side. My eyes have a natural curvature on the side of my eye (maybe it’s just a wrinkle😂) so I just follow that line. I don’t line the top of my eye which I know may sound weird to some but each and every time I try it, it just ends up looking bad. I’ve done a perfect winged look before but it just didn’t suit my eyes. It ends up making them look really small and my eyes are already on the smaller side. Every time I try to make it work, I never end up liking the way it looks. So I just don’t do it.

Next I like to start prepping my lashes. I love this L’Oreal voluminous primer. It really helps to define, lengthen, and thicken the look of your lashes. I am so glad I tried this about 2 years ago because it has been a game changer and a staple in my routine. I just apply this on my lashes like you normally would with mascara. I make sure they’re coated from the root to the tip. I then give that a second to dry while I move on to eyebrows.

For eyebrows I love to use this E.L.F brow pencil. I like the shade Taupe since it’s a lighter brown and won’t give me such a harsh look to my face. I first like to brush them out just to see what we’re working with today.

I then line the bottom and top of my eyebrow with a thin light line. Remember, less is more and you want to keep it tight meaning that it’s really in your brow. You can always add more product later but with eyebrows it’s hard to take off extra if you just so happen to use too much. So start with a little bit.

A picture of the product ⬆

I then use an angular brush to fill in my brows with the color that we lined it with. I go up in hair like strokes all throughout my brow. I really want a natural look that’s not too harsh and still gives me a friendly and approachable look.

After I used the angular brush to distribute the product, I then go back in with the pencil to fill in my sparse ends. Remember to keep it light, with gentle soft strokes. You don’t want to use it as if it is a crayon, that would make your brows look too harsh, dark, and angular.

This is a new product that I’ve just been using for about 2 weeks now and I love it! It is the E.L.F clear brow gel (there’s also a side to be used as a clear mascara). I just brush it up throughout my brows and it gives it an even more natural and fresh look for the summer. It helps define the little hairs in your eyebrows and it was really cheap too (I believe it was only $2).

Now that the mascara primer is dry, we go in with the actual mascara. I just coat my lashes with it as you normally would, maybe with one or two coats, depending on how natural or glam I want them to look for that day.

After that I go in with my setting spray. This is a natural one but to be honest with you, I don’t really like it at all. I feel as if it does nothing for the longevity of my makeup and in some cases, I feel like it makes things look worse. The one I would recommend to you is the NYX setting sprays (either matte or the dewy one, both work really well from my experience. It all depends on what look you’re going for when it comes to choosing between the two of those). So I most likely will be ordering one of the NYX ones this week. I just feel that they really help to seal in your makeup so well and helps it from wearing off throughout the day.

And there you have it: Voila, the finished product! I feel that this is a really nice and natural everyday makeup look. If you wanted it to look more dramamtic, my favorite thing to do is to add a plum lipstick. That deep purple will really look nice with the light pinks and it’s just such an easy way to quickly transform your look. (I just feel a bit weird wearing such a dark color during the summer daytime. That is something I would for sure do during the fall and winter season though).

I hope you guys enjoyed today’s post and if this is the kind that you guys are into, please let me know in the comments below so I can be sure to make more like this. As I mentioned, if there are any products you guys liked here and want to buy for yourself, I’ll have them all linked below. I hope you guys have a wonderful day!🌞

Until next time,

Paula🦋

{Links}

  1. Witch hazelhttps://www.amazon.com/Dickinsons-Enhanced-Witch-Alcohol-Hydrating/dp/B00KX32J26/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=witch+hazel+dickinsons&qid=1593140051&sr=8-1
  2. Natural SPFhttps://www.amazon.com/Andalou-Naturals-Resveratrol-Antioxidants-Lightweight/dp/B0052P0XBO/ref=sr_1_13?dchild=1&keywords=natural+spf&qid=1593140183&sr=8-13
  3. Pacifica Crystal Primerhttps://www.amazon.com/Pacifica-Crystal-Primer-Powered-pack/dp/B079SZFJ8G/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23ZU79CS01UTC&dchild=1&keywords=pacifica+crystal+primer&qid=1593140315&sprefix=pacifica+cry%2Caps%2C340&sr=8-1
  4. Carmex lip balmhttps://www.amazon.com/Pacifica-Crystal-Primer-Powered-pack/dp/B079SZFJ8G/ref=sr_1_1?crid=23ZU79CS01UTC&dchild=1&keywords=pacifica+crystal+primer&qid=1593140315&sprefix=pacifica+cry%2Caps%2C340&sr=8-1
  5. Beauty Blenderhttps://www.amazon.com/Makeup-Blender-Sponge-Pcs-Set/dp/B07GWJRPTS/ref=sr_1_26?dchild=1&keywords=beauty+blender&qid=1593140448&sr=8-26
  6. Milani foundation (I use #2 in “Natural”)https://www.amazon.com/Milani-Conceal-Perfect-Foundation-Concealer/dp/B01CC0GUD6/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=milani+foundation&qid=1593140572&sr=8-5
  7. NYX Concealer (I use the shade “Natural”)https://www.amazon.com/Milani-Conceal-Perfect-Foundation-Concealer/dp/B01CC0GUD6/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=milani+foundation&qid=1593140572&sr=8-5
  8. Physicians bronzer (I use the shade “Bronzer”https://www.amazon.com/Physicians-Formula-Murumuru-Butter-Bronzer/dp/B018B8Q5Z6/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=physicians+bronzer&qid=1593140742&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUE1S0pUMjNOSUU5WVEmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA4NDQxMDQyRTQ3Q01JTjVGTTNMJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA3NzI1NTYxMktLSVhIMzAxMjJNJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==
  9. Makeup brusheshttps://www.amazon.com/BESTOPE-Brushes-Synthetic-Foundation-Concealers/dp/B07DVXQKPV/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=makeup+brushes&qid=1593141031&sr=8-9
  10. Honest beauty blush (Peony pink)https://www.amazon.com/Honest-Beauty-Creme-Cheek-Blush/dp/B07F45ZXNX/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=honest+beauty+blush&qid=1593141150&sr=8-3
  11. Airspun loose powder (In the shade “Translucent”)https://www.amazon.com/Honest-Beauty-Creme-Cheek-Blush/dp/B07F45ZXNX/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=honest+beauty+blush&qid=1593141150&sr=8-3
  12. Rimmel lip liner (shade: “You’re all mine”)https://www.amazon.com/Rimmel-Exaggerate-Liner-Eastend-Count/dp/B019F0FFVO/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=rimmel%2Blondon%2Blip%2Bliner&qid=1593141316&sr=8-1&th=1
  13. Rimmel stay matte liquid lipstick (Shade: “Be my baby”)- https://www.amazon.com/Rimmel-Matte-Liquid-Bliss-Fluid/dp/B072BYX1CC/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=rimmel%2Blondon%2Bstay%2Bmatte%2Blipstick&qid=1593141492&sr=8-4&th=1
  14. Best Land eyeshadow palettehttps://www.amazon.com/Eyeshadow-Palette%EF%BC%8CProfessional-Metallic-Waterproof-Pigmented/dp/B07ZF71LJB/ref=sr_1_20_sspa?crid=2H7405HP4X5N&dchild=1&keywords=bestland+eyeshadow&qid=1593141673&sprefix=best+land+eyesha%2Caps%2C213&sr=8-20-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyM0RUMUZVMUI1S1lHJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwOTAyMTkwM001UkdFWVlaUTVSSSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwOTc5NjU1Mk9FOEhQU05WWkhTMiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX210ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=
  15. Burt’s Bees Pencil (Shade: “Warm Brown”)https://www.amazon.com/Burts-Bees-Nourishing-Eyeliner-Brown/dp/B0793LFGMZ/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=burts+bees+pencil&qid=1593141802&sr=8-6
  16. Maybelline Eyeliner pen (Shade: “Matte Black”)https://www.amazon.com/Maybelline-Eyestudio-Master-Precise-Eyeliner/dp/B07FYMBCS5/ref=sr_1_7?dchild=1&keywords=eyeliner+pen&qid=1593141864&sr=8-7
  17. Loreal mascara primerhttps://www.amazon.com/Paris-Voluminous-Boosting-Conditioning-Mascara/dp/B01DPA6OHO/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=loreal+mascara+primer&qid=1593142014&sr=8-2
  18. Loreal Mascara (Shade: “Waterproof black/brown”)https://www.amazon.com/LOreal-Paris-Voluminous-Original-Building/dp/B004BCXAM8/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=loreal+mascara+primer&qid=1593142074&sr=8-5
  19. E.L.F eyebrow pencil (I use the shade “Taupe”)https://www.amazon.com/l-f-Essential-Instant-Eyebrow-Neutral/dp/B075QP1FM9/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=elf+eyebrow+pencil&qid=1593142202&sr=8-2
  20. E.L.F eyebrow gelhttps://www.amazon.com/Pack-l-f-Clear-Brow-Mascara/dp/B019KVXYPW/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=elf+eyebrow+gel&qid=1593142377&sr=8-4
  21. Natural setting sprayhttps://www.amazon.com/Makeup-Setting-Spray-Organic-Green/dp/B00TXWKFKQ/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=RBFL0QWLH9HO&dchild=1&keywords=bella+jade+setting+spray&qid=1593142526&sprefix=bella+jade+sett%2Caps%2C231&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzMFE0UzZFSjFEVDVBJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjc1Mjg3MVVPNkI2TURJSFhFTCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwOTExMDQ5MjZZWlRPTTlQNTVQSSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=
  22. NYX setting sprayhttps://www.amazon.com/NYX-Professional-Makeup-Setting-Lasting/dp/B00B4YVU4G/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=nyx+setting+spray&qid=1593142576&sr=8-5

Goals You Can Accomplish Right From Home (July 2020)

Even though we are in quarantine at the moment, there are still some goals I’d like to work on. I’d like to come out of this with a better and more improved version of myself. I want to be proud of the way I used my time at home. Every month I like to make goals for myself so I know what my focus should be for the upcoming weeks. So I wanted to share with you guys what I’ll be working on for this next month in hopes that it’ll maybe help give you all some ideas. These are all things that can be done at home too so we can be safe and still accomplish our goals.

  1. One of my first goals I want to work on is learning how to style my hair in a way that I love. I’ve done straight hair, wavy, natural, but none of them are what I’m wanting. I’ve always used hot tools sparingly to avoid heat damage, but it’s to the point that I think it just may be necessary to start using them daily, at least for touch ups. I’m just tired of having frizzy or flat hair that I feel self conscious of.
  2. I am also working on losing my next 20 pounds. For those who don’t know, I just recently lost 20 pounds this passed April and now I am working on losing some more. This time around I’m going about it by eating clean and of course with the right portions too. I just felt that with calorie counting (which is how I previously lost my weight) it wasn’t teaching me how to eat healthy. You could eat 1500 calories of just chocolate and still lose weight but that’s not setting you up with healthy habits. So I really wanted to take the time to learn how to eat in a healthy way that’ll help me to maintain my weight loss . It would be terrible if I were to gain it all back, especially considering how much time and effort I have to put in just to lose it so learning healthy habits is really important to me.
  3. My next goal is daily walks in the morning. Last month I went back to doing my Pilates (which I absolutely love) but now I’m just in the mood for walking. It doesn’t really matter what I end up doing, my main goal is just to have daily movement. It feels so good and it’s good for you too.
  4. I also want to try and make it a habit of doing an arts and crafts activity with my little toddler everyday. Since she’s not able to spend time with her friends right now, I’m trying to fill that void by spending even more time with her one on one. I’ve been enjoying trying different Pinterest projects with her. They help us spend time together and they help her to be creative as well. I like to use it as our little home school time. I often run out of ideas so if you’re like me and need some help in that department, Pinterest is where it’s at.
  5. Next I want to get back into a regular cleaning routine so that our house is close to spotless a majority of the time. Once quarantine continued on past the one month mark, I started to get burnt out, sad, and tired so I didn’t have my normal motivation and energy that usually helps me to stay on top of things. Now that I’ve accepted our current situation and am working with it, I’m starting to get on top of cleaning once again. Clothes are being hung up soon after they are washed, dishes are getting done on the daily, I’m basically back baby. So for this next month, I just want to keep that momentum going and continue to tackle all of the daily chores. When the house is clean, then I am happy (and so is the hubby😄) so I want to maintain that in July.
  6. I mentioned this one in a previous post, but I want to work on reading regularly. Ideally this would be something that I would do everyday. I struggle with this simply because there is so much I like to get done during my free time (and sometimes need to get done) that reading often gets put on last on the list. But I want to at least start with 10 or 15 minute sessions just to get me into the habit (and into the book) and then we can increase our time from there.

These are my goals for July. This month’s list is on the shorter side but I guess it’s because there is only so much I can do while in quarantine or I already accomplished my other goals. I hope this list was able to help you in someway and that you enjoyed getting some insight into what I’ll be doing during these next few weeks. Let me know what else you would like to see me write about. I want to tailor my site to what you all are interested in. Are there any goals you have for this coming month? I’d love to hear from you.

Till next time,

Paula🌺

Why I Won’t Try Intuitive Eating Ever Again

Intuitive eating. It’s a phrase we’ve all grown quite familiar with as we see it all across the internet: on YouTube, blogs, pinterst, and even in books. Although there are so many people who say they live by it, let me tell you, as someone who tried it twice and listened to all the intuitive eating principles, why I will never be going back to that way of eating ever again. It’s not what it seems.

I first tried intuitive eating about 2.5 years ago. I have always been the type that needs to be cautious of the amount I eat because I can easily gain weight. I’ve always eaten really healthy ever since I was 12 and understood that certain foods make you feel good while other foods can make you feel sluggish and sick. I’m the type of girl who loves vegetables; like I will order a salad at a restaurant while my family jokingly rolls their eyes at me. But that is actually what I want to order because it is actually what I prefer. So you would think someone like me with such a healthy palate would have no problem staying thin, right? Wrong. Like I said, even with eating 80% clean food, I’ll still gain weight if I’m not watchful of my portions. It can be a lot of work always having to control your food intake so when I heard of intuitive eating, it sounded like a dream.

What Is Intuitive Eating?

Intuitive eating promotes that you can listen to your body, eat what you want, and still maintain a healthy weight while at the same time having food freedom. The founders of intuitive eating do make sure to say that you may gain weight when practicing it and that you may not look the way you want to, but they say that’s OK because your body may not even want to be that lean. OK. I understood that and accepted it. I still of course hoped that I would lose weight or at the very least maintain. The intuitive eating philosophy is that you can eat as much sweets or junk as your craving because after months of that, you’ll eventually become sick of it and no longer want to eat so much of it if any at all. So I tried it.

I am a big chocolate lover. For example, some people will say they can’t finish a chocolate cake because it’s “too rich”. I on the other hand can eat that slice, and another, and another. And I won’t feel sick to my stomach. I seem to have a high tolerance for sweets because I can eat a lot without feeling any negative repercussions. So as I’m going along with my intuitive eating journey, I’m eating lots and lots of sweets. And naturally with such a caloric surplus, I’m gaining weight. But I’m not sweating it too much because I’m told that eventually I’ll get sick of sweets and the weight will “stabilize”. Well, I never got sick of sweets and I ended up gaining 30 pounds! Mind you, I was able to maintain my previous weight loss for years and years. It wasn’t until I tried intuitive eating that I gained all this weight. And also keep in mind that I’m a petite 5’3 so even 10 pounds is noticeable on me. A 10 pound weight gain is enough to get people to ask me if I’m pregnant. That’s how apparent weight gain is on me.

It Made Me Gain Weight… Again😒

So I finally stopped because I wasn’t about to gain anymore than that. I looked terrible, felt terrible about myself, and still could eat many more sweets. On top of that, one of the intuitive eating principles is that if you don’t want to get any movement in for the day, you don’t have to. It’s all according to how you’re feeling. Well during all that weight gain I was feeling pretty miserable and downright depressed so I didn’t feel like moving, and I didn’t. Not one bit.

So I stopped that way of eating and went on a caloric deficit in order to lose the weight I had gained. I went on to lose 20 of the pounds I had put on. With having such a negative experience, you would think that I would bid good riddens to intuitive eating and just be done with it. But no. I saw more youtubers who promoted intuitive eating and praised it so much. So I concluded that it was my fault that I gained 30 pounds, that I must’ve been doing something wrong because it worked for all these people. Right after losing my weight that took me 6 months to get rid of, I decided to give it another try. I thought maybe I just wasn’t listening to my body enough. But guess what happend this time. After doing it for a month, eating really healthy, and working out regularly, I still managed to gain 10 pounds. I gained half of what took me 6 months to lose all because of intuitive eating! Imagine how frustrated that made me! So that’s when I decided to call it quits for good with this way of eating.

It’s Not Worth It

And I know what some of you advocates for intuitive eating are thinking, “you didn’t try it long enough”. Some believe that you gain weight in the first stages but then end up losing some and maintaining at that level once your body adjusts to this new way of eating and so will your eating habits. My answer to that is: it’s just not worth it to me, not at all. I don’t want to have to gain 30+ pounds just so I can eat as much as I want. For me, I rather restrict my portions of sweets but still keep the physique that to me is most attractive. I don’t care about eating all the food if it’s going to make me put on so much weight that I feel self conscious and embarrassed to go out. I love food but I’m good with smaller portions. They still satisfy. I think for me, I will always be the type to want all the chocolate. I just don’t feel grossed out by eating a lot of it. I feel full but once that fullness goes away, I could go for me. To me, that’s no way to live. It’s not teaching myself good eating habits either.

My conclusion of the matter is that intuitive eating only works for those who 1) have never had a problem with weight their whole life or 2) the people who don’t care about weight gain. I noticed that for the youtubers who raved about this way of eating and were thin, had always been thin. They had never had a problem with their weight. So of course eating in a way that just maintains that is not going to cause a problem. And those who weren’t concerned about gaining weight tended to be in the body positive community and they said it themselves that they didn’t care if their weight just kept going up and up and up. I do care so that won’t work for me.

In Conclusion

I think intuitive eating can work for a small group of people but not everyone. I, of course, agree with eating what you are craving but in moderation, having it portioned out. That’s how you can maintain your physique without gaining weight. Having a cookie is fine as long as you only have one or two; but that’s not what intuitive eating preaches. With that way of eating, you’re not supposed to worry about serving size. I think we’ve come to a point in society that we don’t want to put any restrictions on ourselves, even with food, even if it is in our best interests.

Those are just my thoughts on the matter. Tell me, what do you think? Have you ever tried intuitive eating before? Is it something you want to try in the future? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

-Paula🦋

How To Grow Your Hair Fast (Grow 1 Inch A Month)

While we’re in quarantine, I’ve been looking for ways that I could better myself and work on some goals right from home. One of those things for me is the health of my hair and length. If you guys have read my previous posts, then you’ll know that I’ve glowed up when it comes to my weight and my skin but the one thing I’ve never really worked on is my hair. I’ve always had trouble with it: I never understood how to style it, what it wants, or how to keep it from frizzing up. So I wanted to take time to learn it and to care for it too. My goals were to transform my locks to be glossy and shiny and to help my hair grow long too. I’d like for it to reach to the middle of my back and to help thicken it up if possible. Last month was my first time sticking to my new hair regime and I’m happy to say that by the end of it, my hair grew a whole inch! That’s fast for me. Of course, it’ll take probably 6 months to a year before I start seeing a dramatic transformation with my hair. But I thought that in the meantime I can share with you all what I’m doing that’s helping my hair grow faster and healthier too.

The first major change I’ve made is extending the time period between my wash days. Before, I’d wash my hair about every 2 days and if I did 3, that was a good week. But now, especially because we’re just staying home, I’ll postpone washing my hair for up to 7 days! That’s the longest I’ve ever gone especially considering that I have an oily scalp. There are some weeks when I have to do it sooner at 5 days simply because we’ll have some really hot days here in California so I not only have oil on my scalp but sweat too. (Sorry if that’s too gross.) So I will wash it a bit sooner. But for the most part, I try to extend it between 5-7 days. I like to use dry shampoo daily to help my hair not lay flat from all the oils. Usually for the last days before I wash, I have to style my hair differently in braids or even wear a hat because that’s the only thing that will look good at that point.

The next major change I’ve made is to soak my hair in oil the night before I wash it. I try to sleep in that oil till the next morning so my hair can soak in as much as possible. Sometimes, though, I’m not in the mood to sleep with it so I’ll just leave it in my hair during the day for a few hours and then wash it before I go to bed. I soak my hair in a mixture of castor and coconut oil. I’ll go through my hair in sections, saturating each layer from root to ends until it’s drenched in oil. I also make sure to rub it into my temple areas where our hair is usually thinner. I then massage it all into my scalp for 10 minutes to really get the blood flowing. Then I twist it all together in a bun or I’ll braid it so it can really cover my ends.

When it comes time to wash, I’ve just been using my conventional shampoo and conditioner. But I recently bought some natural ones that I’m sure will encourage hair growth even more. So we’ll see how that goes. I’ll just wash it as I normally would (in fact I do it twice), the difference though is that I’ll rinse it in vinegar and cold water. The apple cider vinegar helps to strip any build up from your scalp that could otherwise clog your hair follicles (which after a week without washing and the oil soak, there surely is buildup). When your scalp is unclogged, your hair is able to grow to its full potential since nothing is blocking it. The apple cider vinegar acts similar to hair cleansing washes that you’ll find on amazon but it’s all natural and cheap. I then go on to rinse my hair in cold water since that helps to seal your hair cuticle shut and gives your hair a glossy look.

When it comes to styling, I only use heat on my hair once a week and try to not use it at all if my hair is looking good on it’s own. (But I typically do end up using it at least once during the week.) I try not to brush until I need to since it takes away my curls and straightens my hair (for me it sometimes can add frizz too so I try to avoid it).

Sticking to this regime has helped my hair to grow a good amount this passed month. I really look forward to seeing the growth and shine that will hopefully come 6 months from now and then even a year. My next step is to get regular trimmings of any split ends that may come up. Now that things are starting to open up again, I’ll probably go for one soon. I hope this guide is able to help you guys with your own hair goals. I’ll update you guys months from now with my progress and in the meantime, if you have any questions please leave them down below and I’ll be sure to answer.

Till next time,

Paula🦋